Responding

Today I had the honor of spending time with a dear friend that I have great respect for,
whose mother recently was diagnosed with cancer.

This is not a rare occurrence and each of you will be faced with this.
The reality is, it will be sooner than later.

So the question is, "How should you respond?"
You don't want to say something that increases their pain and suffering.
So how do you know what is helpful?

Over the years I have learned some things that I would like you to consider.
I will keep this short, practical and to the point, so walk with me on a very difficult path.

First, the person experiencing this, has invited you into their confidence and is sharing with you a very private and personally devastating crisis.

Why you? Are you a stranger, a family member or simply a friend? The truth is, "Why not you?" For whatever reason, God has led this person to share their burden with you. I point this out because, this is a God given appointment that you need to keep. God is opening a door for you to help someone carry a heavy burden.

Second, "Shhhhhhhhh".

One of the most difficult lessons I have learned is that the last thing this hurting soul needs is a blathering of shallow religious cliches.
And when we are nervous and in an uncomfortable situation, we feel the need to fill any silence we encounter with lots of words.
So try these 4 things:
Listen.
Hug.
Be quiet.
Be present.
That's enough.

Third, if you must speak, share a personal experience that is relevant.

The danger with this one is, it is possible to get so busy formulating a relevant story to tell, you neglect to listen, as they express their heart, fears, and doubts.
Your story should only have three points:
(a) I have walked where you are walking
(b) God brought me through the pain and healed my wounds.
(c) Do NOT play the "I have a worse boo-boo than you" story game.
Do NOT attempt to tell a worse story than the one they are experiencing.
If your story doesn't help in some way, for pete's sake, don't make them feel worse.
This is NOT about YOU.
Fall back on point #2 and simply remain quiet and LISTEN.

The idea is to increase their faith by allowing them to lean on your faith for a moment.

If you feel God leading you to share a personal story, please make sure it is short and to the point. You have about 4 minutes before their eyes glaze over and they begin to resent your presence and wish you stop talking.

Fourth, is quite simple. What this person is experiencing is a marathon -- not a sprint.
This means you need to be patient and calm. Do not try to set an agenda for their healing process -- it will take as much time as it will take and not a minute less.

Fifth, I will finish with this, "Do not preach a sermon".
Share ONE Bible verse that has helped you in a similar situation and leave it at that.
God is fully capable of applying His Word and healing their broken heart without you preaching a sermon.

If God has NOT brought a Bible verse to mind that is appropriate and practical, then revert back to point #2 and remain quiet and LISTEN.

Nothing tells someone that you care more that simply being there for them.

Today, your presence, strength, and compassion is preaching all the sermon they need to hear.

4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort
God has given us.
5 For the more we suffer for Christ,
the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.
6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles,
it is for your comfort and salvation!
For when we ourselves are comforted,
we will certainly comfort you.
Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.
7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings,
you will also share in the comfort God gives us."
2 Corinthians 1:4-7