I find it a little disturbing how many people have admitted to me that their medical physicians have ordered them to STOP diagnosing their ailments on Google. In my mind I can hear the conversation, "You see Doctor, I have this rash. So I Googled it and found that it is only transferred by physical contact with a rare African bush hog. Which I saw on the Discovery Channel last week and I thought it looked familiar....."
Today my wife handed me a new bottle of a nutritional supplement of some kind. Of course the first thing I did was Google it to see what data I could find on it. Can you believe the manufacturer admitted that one of the possible side affects is DEATH? And I promise that half of the reviews swore that it virtually cured their type 2 diabetes and the other half swore that it was nothing more than a sugar pill.
Then to make it even more amusing, our adult Sunday School teacher is a retired school teacher and scientist. He has an amazing mind that effortlessly processes huge amounts of data. For many years he has turned his amazing mind toward studying God's Word. And I have a tremendous respect for his insight and knowledge. On occasion, while he is teaching, he will ask my opinion on some topic (to be polite no doubt -- and I appreciate the kind gesture). So just to give him heartburn, I respond, "According to the source of all Biblical data, which is Wikipedia, of course....". He is well aware that I am pushing his buttons but it still slips through his defenses and twists his tail.
Our spiritual take-away from this is: "Carefully choose where you go for counsel".
When you are discouraged, where do you go for encouragement?
When you are unhappy, where you do go for cheer?
When you are disappointed, where do you go for perspective?
When you are angry, where do you go for relief?
When you are grieving, where do you go for comfort?
The answer to these questions reveal who you consider to be a reliable source for counsel and advice.
OK, I have to ask: "Does the answer to these questions disturb you?"
OR are you comfortable with your choice of counselors?
"If any of you lacks wisdom,
let him ask God,
who gives generously
to all without reproach,
and it will be given him"
James 1:5
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
Showing posts with label Counsel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Counsel. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Responding
Today I had the honor of spending time with a dear friend that I have great respect for,
whose mother recently was diagnosed with cancer.
This is not a rare occurrence and each of you will be faced with this.
The reality is, it will be sooner than later.
So the question is, "How should you respond?"
You don't want to say something that increases their pain and suffering.
So how do you know what is helpful?
Over the years I have learned some things that I would like you to consider.
I will keep this short, practical and to the point, so walk with me on a very difficult path.
First, the person experiencing this, has invited you into their confidence and is sharing with you a very private and personally devastating crisis.
Why you? Are you a stranger, a family member or simply a friend? The truth is, "Why not you?" For whatever reason, God has led this person to share their burden with you. I point this out because, this is a God given appointment that you need to keep. God is opening a door for you to help someone carry a heavy burden.
Second, "Shhhhhhhhh".
One of the most difficult lessons I have learned is that the last thing this hurting soul needs is a blathering of shallow religious cliches.
And when we are nervous and in an uncomfortable situation, we feel the need to fill any silence we encounter with lots of words.
So try these 4 things:
Listen.
Hug.
Be quiet.
Be present.
That's enough.
Third, if you must speak, share a personal experience that is relevant.
The danger with this one is, it is possible to get so busy formulating a relevant story to tell, you neglect to listen, as they express their heart, fears, and doubts.
Your story should only have three points:
(a) I have walked where you are walking
(b) God brought me through the pain and healed my wounds.
(c) Do NOT play the "I have a worse boo-boo than you" story game.
Do NOT attempt to tell a worse story than the one they are experiencing.
If your story doesn't help in some way, for pete's sake, don't make them feel worse.
This is NOT about YOU.
Fall back on point #2 and simply remain quiet and LISTEN.
The idea is to increase their faith by allowing them to lean on your faith for a moment.
If you feel God leading you to share a personal story, please make sure it is short and to the point. You have about 4 minutes before their eyes glaze over and they begin to resent your presence and wish you stop talking.
Fourth, is quite simple. What this person is experiencing is a marathon -- not a sprint.
This means you need to be patient and calm. Do not try to set an agenda for their healing process -- it will take as much time as it will take and not a minute less.
Fifth, I will finish with this, "Do not preach a sermon".
Share ONE Bible verse that has helped you in a similar situation and leave it at that.
God is fully capable of applying His Word and healing their broken heart without you preaching a sermon.
If God has NOT brought a Bible verse to mind that is appropriate and practical, then revert back to point #2 and remain quiet and LISTEN.
Nothing tells someone that you care more that simply being there for them.
Today, your presence, strength, and compassion is preaching all the sermon they need to hear.
4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort
God has given us.
5 For the more we suffer for Christ,
the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.
6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles,
it is for your comfort and salvation!
For when we ourselves are comforted,
we will certainly comfort you.
Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.
7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings,
you will also share in the comfort God gives us."
2 Corinthians 1:4-7
whose mother recently was diagnosed with cancer.
This is not a rare occurrence and each of you will be faced with this.
The reality is, it will be sooner than later.
So the question is, "How should you respond?"
You don't want to say something that increases their pain and suffering.
So how do you know what is helpful?
Over the years I have learned some things that I would like you to consider.
I will keep this short, practical and to the point, so walk with me on a very difficult path.
First, the person experiencing this, has invited you into their confidence and is sharing with you a very private and personally devastating crisis.
Why you? Are you a stranger, a family member or simply a friend? The truth is, "Why not you?" For whatever reason, God has led this person to share their burden with you. I point this out because, this is a God given appointment that you need to keep. God is opening a door for you to help someone carry a heavy burden.
Second, "Shhhhhhhhh".
One of the most difficult lessons I have learned is that the last thing this hurting soul needs is a blathering of shallow religious cliches.
And when we are nervous and in an uncomfortable situation, we feel the need to fill any silence we encounter with lots of words.
So try these 4 things:
Listen.
Hug.
Be quiet.
Be present.
That's enough.
Third, if you must speak, share a personal experience that is relevant.
The danger with this one is, it is possible to get so busy formulating a relevant story to tell, you neglect to listen, as they express their heart, fears, and doubts.
Your story should only have three points:
(a) I have walked where you are walking
(b) God brought me through the pain and healed my wounds.
(c) Do NOT play the "I have a worse boo-boo than you" story game.
Do NOT attempt to tell a worse story than the one they are experiencing.
If your story doesn't help in some way, for pete's sake, don't make them feel worse.
This is NOT about YOU.
Fall back on point #2 and simply remain quiet and LISTEN.
The idea is to increase their faith by allowing them to lean on your faith for a moment.
If you feel God leading you to share a personal story, please make sure it is short and to the point. You have about 4 minutes before their eyes glaze over and they begin to resent your presence and wish you stop talking.
Fourth, is quite simple. What this person is experiencing is a marathon -- not a sprint.
This means you need to be patient and calm. Do not try to set an agenda for their healing process -- it will take as much time as it will take and not a minute less.
Fifth, I will finish with this, "Do not preach a sermon".
Share ONE Bible verse that has helped you in a similar situation and leave it at that.
God is fully capable of applying His Word and healing their broken heart without you preaching a sermon.
If God has NOT brought a Bible verse to mind that is appropriate and practical, then revert back to point #2 and remain quiet and LISTEN.
Nothing tells someone that you care more that simply being there for them.
Today, your presence, strength, and compassion is preaching all the sermon they need to hear.
4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.
When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort
God has given us.
5 For the more we suffer for Christ,
the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ.
6 Even when we are weighed down with troubles,
it is for your comfort and salvation!
For when we ourselves are comforted,
we will certainly comfort you.
Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.
7 We are confident that as you share in our sufferings,
you will also share in the comfort God gives us."
2 Corinthians 1:4-7
Monday, January 23, 2012
Will You You Make A Difference
If you only pay attention to one blog this year, please let it be this one.
This is a topic that each one of us will brush up against and our response will have a life long impact. So settle back and open your mind as we broach a topic that none of us are comfortable with.
I have had a surprising number of people in distress, contact me because their teenage daughters are pregnant.
What are they supposed to think?
What is a God pleasing response?
I will give you a couple things to prayerfully consider.
LESSON: God wants each of us to be a "bridge builder".
"and some have compassion, makes a difference"
Jude 1:22 KJV
There are a few times in life when we only have a split second for us to react, and our response leaves a life long impact.
Perhaps the key to this is, ACT, thoughtfully with prayer, not REACT, out of anger and pain. There comes a time when God calls you to reach beyond yourself and step out of your comfort zone and do what is best for someone else.
This requires us to demonstrate a God pleasing type of love. A good definition of this caliber of love is: "Giving someone what they need the most, when they deserve it the least, at a great personal cost to you".
When a teenager comes to you and reveals that she is pregnant:
My advice is, don't say the first thing that comes to your mind.
My advice is, in your heart, ask God to give you wisdom (James 1:5).
My advice is, remember that God has brought you her to you for counsel.
My advice is, avoid (at all costs) playing the "Blame Game".
My advice is, LISTEN more than you SPEAK.
My advice is, whatever you say, make sure it pleases God (John 8:11)
My advice is, remember, this is NOT about you, it is about her.
My advice is, encourage her to talk to her pastor for guidance.
My advice is, build a bridge so she can come to you tomorrow.
My advice is, begin your conversation in prayer, ask for God's wisdom and blessing.
My advice is, IF you are talking to the young man, send him to his pastor ASAP.
I have noticed that it takes a wise person to know which bridges to burn and which bridges to build. Often you have a split second to decide which you are going to do.
"there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul"
Psalm 142:4
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another"
John 13:35
The ball is in your court,
what will you do.....
This is a topic that each one of us will brush up against and our response will have a life long impact. So settle back and open your mind as we broach a topic that none of us are comfortable with.
I have had a surprising number of people in distress, contact me because their teenage daughters are pregnant.
What are they supposed to think?
What is a God pleasing response?
I will give you a couple things to prayerfully consider.
LESSON: God wants each of us to be a "bridge builder".
"and some have compassion, makes a difference"
Jude 1:22 KJV
There are a few times in life when we only have a split second for us to react, and our response leaves a life long impact.
Perhaps the key to this is, ACT, thoughtfully with prayer, not REACT, out of anger and pain. There comes a time when God calls you to reach beyond yourself and step out of your comfort zone and do what is best for someone else.
This requires us to demonstrate a God pleasing type of love. A good definition of this caliber of love is: "Giving someone what they need the most, when they deserve it the least, at a great personal cost to you".
When a teenager comes to you and reveals that she is pregnant:
My advice is, don't say the first thing that comes to your mind.
My advice is, in your heart, ask God to give you wisdom (James 1:5).
My advice is, remember that God has brought you her to you for counsel.
My advice is, avoid (at all costs) playing the "Blame Game".
My advice is, LISTEN more than you SPEAK.
My advice is, whatever you say, make sure it pleases God (John 8:11)
My advice is, remember, this is NOT about you, it is about her.
My advice is, encourage her to talk to her pastor for guidance.
My advice is, build a bridge so she can come to you tomorrow.
My advice is, begin your conversation in prayer, ask for God's wisdom and blessing.
My advice is, IF you are talking to the young man, send him to his pastor ASAP.
I have noticed that it takes a wise person to know which bridges to burn and which bridges to build. Often you have a split second to decide which you are going to do.
"there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul"
Psalm 142:4
"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another"
John 13:35
The ball is in your court,
what will you do.....
Friday, January 6, 2012
Do you Act or React?
Have you ever had a friend that was simply your friend because they chose to be?
Have you ever had a friend that wanted nothing from you, just your friendship?
Have you ever had a friend that you were not afraid to tell them your weaknesses?
Have you ever had a friend that would be honest with you, even if it was uncomfortable?
Have you ever had a friend that consistently demonstrates reliable sound judgment?
A few years ago, I had an employee that was very unhappy with me. Our conflict became very personal and things were deteriorating very quickly. I was at a loss on how to resolve the situation due to my obligations as a supervisor. Finally after spending many hours in prayer and seeking the counsel of a couple Godly counselors, I knew what would glorify God. I knew what time my employee got off work and would be leaving the parking lot. So I went to the parking lot and confronted my employee. The employee expected a rebuke and possibly a disciplinary letter. Instead, I extended my hand and said, "I am your friend. You may choose not to be my friend, but I choose you. There is nothing you can say right now that will change my mind. I value your character and dedication to your career. No matter how you decide to conduct yourself, know this, I am your friend." My employee shook my hand and opened up to share with me some concerns and problems that I was not aware of. This was a turning point in our working relationship and friendship.
So where did I come up with this plan of attack?
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1
"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel" Proverbs 15:18
You would be amazed at how many verses in the Bible gives counsel on how to handle difficult people and circumstances. My highly educated counsel to you is, "Get on the internet and Google: Bible verses on Anger".
One of my favorites is Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."
Whether or not you realize it, Ephesians 4:26 opens the door for me to start preaching and doing my "pastor thing". So in the interest of hoping you will come back tomorrow and continue following my blog, I will bid you adieu.
What you do with the Bible will determine what God will do with you.
Have you ever had a friend that wanted nothing from you, just your friendship?
Have you ever had a friend that you were not afraid to tell them your weaknesses?
Have you ever had a friend that would be honest with you, even if it was uncomfortable?
Have you ever had a friend that consistently demonstrates reliable sound judgment?
A few years ago, I had an employee that was very unhappy with me. Our conflict became very personal and things were deteriorating very quickly. I was at a loss on how to resolve the situation due to my obligations as a supervisor. Finally after spending many hours in prayer and seeking the counsel of a couple Godly counselors, I knew what would glorify God. I knew what time my employee got off work and would be leaving the parking lot. So I went to the parking lot and confronted my employee. The employee expected a rebuke and possibly a disciplinary letter. Instead, I extended my hand and said, "I am your friend. You may choose not to be my friend, but I choose you. There is nothing you can say right now that will change my mind. I value your character and dedication to your career. No matter how you decide to conduct yourself, know this, I am your friend." My employee shook my hand and opened up to share with me some concerns and problems that I was not aware of. This was a turning point in our working relationship and friendship.
So where did I come up with this plan of attack?
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" Proverbs 15:1
"A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel" Proverbs 15:18
You would be amazed at how many verses in the Bible gives counsel on how to handle difficult people and circumstances. My highly educated counsel to you is, "Get on the internet and Google: Bible verses on Anger".
One of my favorites is Ephesians 4:26, "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry."
Whether or not you realize it, Ephesians 4:26 opens the door for me to start preaching and doing my "pastor thing". So in the interest of hoping you will come back tomorrow and continue following my blog, I will bid you adieu.
What you do with the Bible will determine what God will do with you.
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