Thoughts on True Friends....

Today I had the pleasure of spending the day with a friend. Granted we had a lot of work to do and much of it was under a great deal of pressure. But standing by the side of a friend while facing a daunting task, is an honor.

So in the midst of our goat rodeo, I paused to ask myself, "What do I bring to the friendship?" God tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me of the long refining process He has brought me through, and that He continues to transform me into a person that gives Him delight. My education, life experience and personality allows me to work with people under very difficult circumstances. My friend can benefit from this.

Then I pondered, "What does my friend bring to the friendship?" Again God nudged me and offered some insight. My friend expects me to be honest. He doesn't require me to filter or screen my speech. If he disagrees, he knows that I respect his intellect and life experience enough to listen without offense. My friend comes from a very different belief system, which affords him a fresh perspective on difficult decisions. I have tremendous respect and appreciation for these attributes.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another"
Proverbs 27:17

This is a very familiar verse that talks about the affects of true friendship.

The "Shane Moffitt Paraphrase" of this verse is, "You can tell a true friend because the truth is spoken" (Ephesians 4:15, "speak the truth in love").

Truth without love is cruel.
Love without truth is compromise.

This is how you can tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

An acquaintance doesn't care enough about you to confront issues on your life. An acquaintance will simply tell you what you want to hear. (Hebrews 4:12 "Whom the Lord loves, He disciplines).

Be aware, there is the chance, that when "iron meets iron" that the counsel will be rejected and the friendship will take a beating. In matters of the heart, you must accept that the heart is where God works. Trust that God will take the seeds of counsel you have offered and will nurture them into something healthy.

There is an interesting skill required here. You must only sharpen, as much as your friend is able to handle. Often in life, if you unload too much wonderful advice, your friend will crumble under the load. Sometimes you have to ration out your sharpening. And sometimes the most potent counsel is the example you live.

The secret to this, is keeping the correct perspective. Your perspective must be that you desire to move your friend to a healthier place. This means, that the whole sharpening process is not about you, it is about your friend. This is not about you voicing your opinion. This is not about you laying down the law. That will have a repelling affect and your counsel will be ignored.

My final observation on this is from James 1:5, "If you lack wisdom, ask God...". Before you offer counsel to a friend, take a moment and ask God to guide your words.