New Meanings

Due to getting home terribly late last night
AND due to my "advanced years"
and needing all the beauty rest I can get,
I poached an amusing "New Meanings" e-mail.
Pastor Shane

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
and is now growing in the middle. 

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye. 

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. 

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. 

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out. 

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. 

HANDKERCHIEF:  
Cold Storage. 

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. 

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better. 

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time. 

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. 

TOOTHACHE: 
The pain that drives you to extraction. 

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. 

YAWN:
An honest opinion expressed openly.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have, 
Similar to my character lines