Trained

I have 2 geriatric Pugs that share a house with me.

Their 3 missions in life are to eat, sleep, smell, and shed.                   Pretty much in that order.   

When I say the word “Pug”…. Immediately in your mind you picture a cute, busy, happy, lapdog that never has a bad day. 

However, when I say, “Geriatric Pug”….                                                   A different picture comes to mind. 

A geriatric Pug wants 3 things…. First, snacks…. at all times.  Nothing dominates a geriatric Pugs mind more than enjoying a good snack. 

And don’t even start with me about how dogs are supposed to resemble their owner ~ that is not necessary. 

Second, sleep…. if a geriatric Pug is not snacking…. then he is sleeping. 

Third, a geriatric Pug really really really does NOT want to play fetch or tug-of-war with you.  “Playing” is about as appealing as eating a cucumber. 

Anyway, I said all that to set up today’s observation.

Bubba Joe and Daisy eat their snack and then demand to go outside. 

See, immediately you assume that I have them so well trained that they want to go outside to do “business”. 

But you would be sorely mistaken. 

The Pugs want to go outside…. spend the necessary amount of time…. then come back in because…. every time they come back in…. they get a “treat”. 

One thing is clear, if I stand outside and wait for them ~ they will spend forever wandering around sniffing blades of grass or examining the ways of the grasshopper. 

However, if I get a cup of coffee and settle down in my chair to read a book ~ then ~ and only then…. Will they demand to come back into the house. 

So how do I know when they are ready to come back in the house?  Bubba will start barking.

This morning as I was reading.… Bubba started barking…. and without thinking…. I jumped up and headed for the door. 

It was then in there, I realized that Bubba has me trained. 

He barks and I jump. 

I give him commands and….. he pretends to be deaf. 

One day, I forced him to make eye contact with me when I gave him a command…. And he responded with, “Sorry, I don’t speak English.”  At least that was how I interpreted his look of annoyance. 

In fact, when I give commands…. He doesn’t even lift his head.  

So there is no question, who has who trained. 

The spiritual application for this is simple….                

When the world “barks” do you jump? 

“…. Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God?”  I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God.”  James 4:4 NLT

When the world makes a demand of you or tempts you with a wrong desire ~ How do you respond? 

Do you ~ without thought ~ jump to your feet and respond to comply with whatever the world is demanding that you do? 

“Don’t you realize that you become the slave of whatever you choose to obey?  You can be a slave to sin, which leads to death, or you can choose to obey God, which leads to righteous living.”  Romans 6:16 NLT

Bottom line: whose voice do you respond to? 

Thought you needed a little humor....

Why Go to Church?

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "(1) they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church:

(1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!"

The Usher

An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.

"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?"  the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered.

Show and Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish, and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Methodist, and this is a casserole."

The Best Way To Pray

A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.

"Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor."

The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."

The Twenty and the One

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.

As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.

"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So, tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one-dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church."

The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

Goat for Dinner

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.' "

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

Bees....

Today I stepped out of my garage and slammed the door behind me ~ instantly I was swarmed by bees. 

They immediately began stinging me on my left and all over my abdomen.

This caused me to revert into my alter ego ~ Jedi Ninja Master ~ and began flailing my arms like a wild man. 

Halfway to the house, I realized there was a “flock” of bees still stuck to the front of my shirt stinging my belly. 

Needless to say, I lived, but it definitely set the tone for the rest of Thursday. 

I grabbed a can of W.M.D. (Weapons of mass destruction) and headed back to the garage ready for battle. 

The bees built a nest right on the top of the door frame. 

Duh….

Exactly how did they think this was going to turn out????

So I sprayed them and sprayed them and sprayed them….

Until the wind shifted and blew all the over spray back on me. 

As I said, the bees set the tone for the rest of Thursday.

I know you are patiently waiting for me to get to a “spiritual application” for this death defying story but….

Honestly, if there is a “spiritual application”…. It hasn’t hit me yet. 

Lets try, Deuteronomy 1:44 NLT….

“But the Amorites who lived there came out against you like a swarm of bees. They chased and battered you all the way from Seir to Hormah.”

Hummmmmm …. Not much there….

Psalm 118:12 NLT….

“They swarmed around me like bees;
    they blazed against me like a crackling fire.
    But I destroyed them all with the authority of the Lord.”

There…. I like the sounds of that one….

Friday Afternoon Attempt at Humor

Last Sunday after church, my dad commented that he thought my Sunday School lesson was quite a bit better than my sermon. 

I spent all week pondering this observation. 

At first, I wasn’t surprised because I have always had trouble “shifting gears” when teaching.  What I mean by that is, to teach for an hour on one Bible message and then shift to a totally different Bible message 30 minutes later…. Is just a tad more flexible than I am gifted for. 

Anyway, I came to a startling realization. In order to balance the natural order of things, this Sunday, I must either teach a lower quality Sunday School lesson or preach a lower quality sermon.

For those of you literalists reading this ~ I apologize ~

this is my feeble attempt at humor. 

For those of you that attend my services ~ I apologize.

The problem with me posting this today is ~ people in my services Sunday will be “rating” my teaching to see which they like better. 

Anyway, for those of you attending this Sunday’s 10:00 am              Bible Study, I will be teaching on Jesus’ 2^nd temptation. 

Read Matthew 4:1-11. 

For background, read Psalm 91:11-12; Deuteronomy 6:16; Exodus 17:1-7

My thought for you on this lesson is this:

To test God is to doubt God ~ to doubt God is NOT to trust God ~ and NOT to trust God completely is SIN.